Thought I would share a little local custom and culture with you. I was invited to the engagement of a colleague of mine. I work with Jacob at the Turbo HIV clinic. In Kenya, most of the tribes have a traditional engagement process. The Kalenjin tribe is the major tribe in Eldoret area. Most Kenyans still identify with their tribe first and to be Kenyan second. This is slowly changing. Kind of like saying I am Ukrainian first and Canadian second.
Anyway, Mary Milner, my friend Maura Kenny's daughter who was visiting, and I went to the engagement. As per usual Kenyan time we were told to be ready fro 09:00. I got the call at 9:20 and was picked up at 10:30. Then we went and waited for the groom's contingent a short ways from my place until 12:00. Not bad for Kenya time. Then we drove to the bride's family's shamba (farm). This took about 2 1/4 hours. The last part of the drive was up a little dirt road for about 30 minutes. At one point in time we all ( about 50 people) had to get out of the vehicles so that the vehicles could drive over the railway tracks that were at the top of little hill. No small feat.
When we arrived at the farm, the groom and his elders were invited into the bride's house for dowry negotiations. The living room of the farm house was packed. About 15 people from each the brides side and the grooms side. There was a facilitator from the village. Jacob wanted us to see what occurred so we were invited in to view the negotiations. Jacob and his two groomsmen sat with us. They were dressed in matching suits as you would at a wedding. The negotiations were in Kalenjin so one of Jacob's uncles translated for Mary and I.
The engagement is all about the bride. First of all, the bride and her maid of honor were brought into the room. Dressed identical and beautiful. The bride was asked if they welcomed the groom and his family into the house for negotiations. The bride said yes. (thank goodness). Then there was a prayer and the negotiations started. In Kenya, the dowry is paid to the brides family, from the groom. The negotiations actually did not take very long. I thought we may be there all afternoon however I guess the two families were happy with the pairing. The dowry ended up being 6 cows and 4440 Kenyan shillings ($55). I think the $ was for the facilitator. The maternal grandmother also asked for 2 cases of soda. Don't know if this ended up being part of the package. Quite funny though. Soda pop is well loved in Kenya. I actually think that they replace water with soda.
For some reason they wanted me to come forward and wish the bride an groom well at this time, so I did (I was a little uncomfortable). Then the groom gave the bride some jewellery to seal the engagement. They then had to sign the dowry. I guess so that the groom could not reneg on it. Then the families exchanged gifts amongst the elders. Everyone then had a glass of milk. The choices being fresh or fermented. To be traditional, I chose the fermented. Had to go with the cultural. I even finished the whole glass although it took me a while. Then a final prayer was said and it was over.
Both families left the house and waited for the bride to come out. The bride and her 4 attendants then came out all dressed in beautiful dresses. The women of the two families then welcomed the bride with songs and dance. Then the two sides of the family and their guests ate. Lots of nyoma choma (roasted meat).
After eating, the group moved to the other side of the farm where there were tents set up and the villagers waiting. The group of women led by the bride and her attendants danced and sang all the way to other side. Then went to sit down at under one of the tents. The groom was no where in the picture. The guests sat down under the other tents where chairs had been set up. A beautiful cake (or 7) was under a separate tent. Unfortunately, the wind started to howl and actually knocked the tent over that that the bride was sitting under as the men held all the other tents down. Well, everyone ran for cover (as best they could as the rain came down and the wind blew. After about 30 minutes the bride came out of the house again and the speeches started. Long speeches from everyone. Then the women sang and danced some more. The bride and attendants cut the cake and their was a final prayer and it ended.
We left at 7 p.m. as it had just got dark. Our car decided to take a different road home since the one out there was bad. However, not a bad as the one we took home. Two hours on a dirt road that had ruts the size of ditches. Ten to 20 km per hour for 2 hours. Kiprono, who was driving, was amazing. After 2 hours, we hit the pavement. At this point in time, one of the fellows said, "I think that road was worse." Well Mary and I went into hysterics laughing. Better than crying as we wanted to do. Once we hit the pavement it started to rain (thank goodness we were off of the dirt road and Kiprono had to deal with glare. Just as we were coming into town, there was a huge accident on the road. We had to turn around and go down another 'dirt' road. We arrived home shortly thereafter thanks to Kiprono.
We heard that Monday that unfortunately, an AMPATH staff member was in the accident. He was in ICU. His wife had died. His son was safe. He is now on the mend but now a single father. Not the best situation for his son.
So I was extremely grateful to be invited to the engagement by Jacob. The wedding will take place in April and will be at the groom's home area. I had lots of fun and loved the whole women thing. I had an experience that many other whites do not get. I am grateful to have made friends here in Kenya.
I was told Friday at work that it was like I had been living in Kenya and working at AMPATH forever. That was a great complement for me.
Until next time. . . enjoy the melting snow and warm spring weather. We are still getting high 20s and low 30s here and we are going to the beach for a week at the end of the month.
Lori
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