The Husband Puts One Up

Hi all...Lori, Alex and I are in our fourth month in Kenya.  As you have noted the "honeymoon" is over!  I personally have days where I get very frustrated because you can not get anything done within any reasonable time.  Why?  I can only pontificate in relation to lack of infrastructure, lack of any semblance of government for the people, lack of services, ie police force will come, maybe, if they knew where you were (there are no addresses) and you had the money to pay for their gas and subsequent bribe to get your problem rectified...the police shooting in down town Eldoret a few weeks back.  Hands off to them, they killed two out of three and managed to secure the AK47!  There is too the language barrier, cultural barrier and many other barriers to a country at the bottom of the food chain.
Alex's school was, we thought, going forward for the last few weeks but we were wrong.  As mentioned by Lori, the teachers do not show up often and Alex is displaying behaviors at school towards other children that are not so good.  His eight year old reaction to a completely foreign culture and subsequent systems.  So a couple of weeks ago I started home schooling for the first two hours every morning and then sending the boy to school for the rest of the day for the social learning end of things.  However, the teachers are old school in so many ways and boarder on Christian fundamentalism.  Lori and I have decided to pull him out of school altogether and I will do four hours of home school then fill up the rest of Alex's time with Tai-Kwan do and other activities.  Not so bad!
I had initially had hopes of starting up a Carpentry School at the local Polytecnic Institute (Trade School) via funding from Canada.  You know the old saying, Teach a Man to Fish...  I have changed my mind for so many reasons.  After several rounds of meetings with the Institute I could only see a result if I did almost everything from curriculum to purchasing and training.  The people their are kind and enthusiastic, however it is apparent to me now they will more than likely graft most things of value once we exit.
I really do feel that after 60 years of AID being dumped into the country (and we are talking trillions of dollars) it is not working very well.  One could easily compare the enabling of our desire to help/control the African outcome to that of our own Aboriginals in Canada.  Keep throwing money at it, with no accountability and what do you think is going to happen.  Poverty actually increases, the "leadership" gets richer and no governing systems take hold, lawlessness prevails, judiciary is non functional and hope is greatly diminished. At this time I feel the best thing to do would be to cut the AID off.  I really can not see the corruption getting worse, the roads, infrastructure, industry, schools, civil services...  In fact, stopping the enabling may actually help Africa to help itself.  Excuse me for my cynical comments but it is almost laughable if it were not for so many women and children suffering.  Then we have the academics who want to do "another study" to provide direction/suggestions to the IMF, World Bank, American Aid, Canadian Aid, British Aid, Australian Aid, French Aid, Brazilian Aid, Joe Blow Aid on how to co-ordinate the Aid Agencies to work better together!  Ain't going to happen.
On the lighter side, we are in Mombasa right now on holiday.  After four months in Eldoret, Rift Valley it is nice to be at the Coast.  Alex is enjoying it very much, and we have our adopted daughter Mary with us for a few days.  Lori is good and I too am good - really!  Its just a bit difficult some times when you come from a nation that works.  Don't forget it folks because social fabric is easily torn.  This place has zero in the realm of the social contract and subsequent trust required to nation build.

Kalenjin Engagement

Thought  I would share a little local custom and culture with you.  I was invited to the engagement of a colleague of mine. I work with Jacob at the Turbo HIV clinic.  In Kenya, most of the tribes have a traditional engagement process.  The Kalenjin tribe is the major tribe in Eldoret area.  Most Kenyans still identify with their tribe first and to be Kenyan second.  This  is slowly changing.  Kind of like saying I am Ukrainian first and Canadian second.
Anyway, Mary Milner, my friend Maura Kenny's daughter who was visiting, and I went to the engagement.  As per usual Kenyan time we were told to be ready fro 09:00.  I got the call at 9:20 and was picked up at 10:30.  Then we went and waited for the groom's contingent a short ways from my place until 12:00.  Not bad for Kenya time.  Then we drove to the bride's family's shamba (farm).  This took about 2 1/4 hours.  The last part of the drive was up a little dirt road for about 30 minutes.  At one point in time we all ( about 50 people) had to get out of the vehicles so that the vehicles could drive over the railway tracks that were at the top of little hill. No small feat.
When we arrived at the farm, the groom and his elders were invited into the bride's house for dowry negotiations.  The living room of the farm house was packed.  About 15 people from each the brides side and the grooms side.  There was a facilitator from the village. Jacob wanted us to see what occurred so we were invited in to view the negotiations.  Jacob and his two groomsmen sat with us.  They were dressed in matching suits as you would at a wedding.  The negotiations were in Kalenjin so one of Jacob's uncles translated for Mary and I.
The engagement is all about the bride. First of all, the bride and her maid of honor were brought into the room.  Dressed identical and beautiful.  The bride was asked if they welcomed the groom and his family into the house for negotiations.  The bride said yes. (thank goodness).  Then there was a prayer and the negotiations started.  In Kenya, the dowry is paid to the brides family, from the groom.  The negotiations actually did not take very long. I thought we may be there all afternoon however I guess the two families were happy with the pairing.  The dowry ended up being 6 cows and 4440 Kenyan shillings ($55).  I think the $ was for the facilitator. The maternal grandmother also asked for 2 cases of soda.  Don't know if this ended up being part of the package. Quite funny though.  Soda pop is well loved in Kenya.  I actually think that they replace water with soda.
For some reason they wanted me to come forward and wish the bride an groom well at this time, so I did (I was a little uncomfortable).  Then the groom gave the bride some jewellery to seal the engagement.  They then had to sign the dowry. I guess so that the groom could not reneg on it.  Then the families exchanged gifts amongst the elders. Everyone then had a glass of milk.  The choices being fresh or fermented.  To be traditional, I chose the fermented.  Had to go with the cultural. I even finished the whole glass although it took me a while.  Then a final prayer was said and it was over.
Both families left the house and waited for the bride to come out.  The bride and her 4 attendants then came out all dressed in beautiful dresses.  The women of the two families then welcomed the bride with songs and dance. Then the two sides of the family and their guests ate.  Lots of nyoma choma (roasted meat).
After eating, the group moved to the other side of the farm where there were tents set up and the villagers waiting.  The group of women led by the bride and her attendants danced and sang all the way to other side. Then went to sit down at under one of the tents.  The groom was no where in the picture. The guests sat down under the other tents where chairs had been set up.  A beautiful cake (or 7) was under a separate tent.  Unfortunately, the wind started to howl and actually knocked the tent over that that the bride was sitting under as the men held all the other tents down. Well, everyone ran for cover (as best they could as the rain came down and the wind blew.  After about 30 minutes the bride came out of the house again and the speeches started.  Long speeches from everyone.  Then the women sang and danced some more.  The bride and attendants cut the cake and their was a final prayer and it ended.

We left at 7 p.m. as it had just got dark.  Our car decided to take a different road home since the one out there was bad.  However, not a bad as the one we took home.  Two hours on a dirt road that had ruts the size of ditches.  Ten to 20 km per hour for 2 hours. Kiprono, who was driving, was amazing.  After 2 hours, we hit the pavement.  At this point in time, one of the fellows said, "I think that road was worse." Well Mary and I went into hysterics laughing.  Better than crying as we wanted to do.  Once we hit the pavement it started to rain (thank goodness we were off of the dirt road and Kiprono had to deal with glare.  Just as we were coming into town, there was a huge accident on the road.  We had to turn around and go down another 'dirt' road. We arrived home shortly thereafter thanks to Kiprono.
We heard that Monday that unfortunately, an AMPATH staff member was in the accident.  He was in ICU. His wife had died.  His son was safe.  He is now on the mend but now a single father.  Not the best situation for his son.
So I was extremely grateful to be invited to the engagement by Jacob.  The wedding will take place in April and will be at the groom's home area. I had lots of fun and loved the whole women thing.  I had an experience that many other whites do not get.  I am grateful to have made friends here in Kenya. 
I was told Friday at work that it was like I had been living in Kenya and working at AMPATH forever. That was a great complement for me. 

Until next time. . . enjoy the melting snow and warm spring weather.  We are still getting high 20s and low 30s here and we are going to the beach for a week at the end of the month.
Lori

Random thoughts by Lori - March 7, 2012

Every day is a new learning experience.
Grade 4 at Lions School - teachers show up to teach class about 50% of the time. Today only the Social Studies teacher showed up.
The beautiful smell of flowers in the fresh morning air.
The putred smell of rotting dog carcass at side of road every morning for the past 2 weeks
The smiling faces, handshakes and habari (how are you) as you walk down the street
The Christian Religion Education teacher threatening Alex with corporal punishment
Beautiful drive to the Kakamega rainforest through the Nandi Hills; beautiful walk in the pouring rain through the rainforest
Alex and Otte soaking wet from playing the rain and having to strip their clothes off for the ride back in the van.
More traffic accidents and deaths that you can imagine. No seatbelt use. Choose a lane, any lane. No bicycle helmets. People hanging off of mutatus (mini buses) on the highway going 80 km per hour.  Pedestrians and cyclist trying to avoid the mass of vehicles.
Excellent Indian Food. Mmmm
Riding 2 hours over the worst road I have ever been on because it was supposed to be better than the road that we arrived on.  A great and careful driver got us home safely.
Realizing that the Kenyan honeymoon is over.
Amazingly smart and competent colleagues.
Bureaucracy, bureaucracy, bureaucracy
Skyping with family and friends to keep tied to home
Thinking of my brother who starts chemotherapy today
Ugly poverty in your face; living in a nice house with all the amenities; looking out my back window to the neighbor living in a boxcar.
Cows everywhere.  I love cows.  Seriously. I am so happy when I see them.
My friend Michael with the beautiful smile finally getting to go on leave (vacation) after working 11 hours per day, 7 days per week for one and a half years.  Craziness.  Good news is, we are going to his place tomorrow evening to meet his wife before he goes home to his village for his leave. Sweetest man ever.
Dancing and connecting with the women at a Kalenjin Engagement party.
I love all the women in my life. It is a bond that I value greatly.
Not missing winter . . . at all. However, rains are coming.
Local, fresh fruits and vegetables at market every day of the week. Fresh roasted vegetables all the time. Mmmmm.
Kenyan men who want a white girlfriend / wife . . . or ticket to another country.
Kenyan women who work extremely hard and keep this country running.
Electricity going off for periods of time.
Large flying beetle like bug in house tonight - ugh.
Missing my friends and family back home but making new friends here. Always room for more.
Love to all.
Lori